Circumspect

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circumspect

  1. well-considered: circumspect ambition.
  2. watchful and discreet; cautious; prudent: circumspect behavior.

Time was supposed to fix everything. It heals all wounds, was what they said. Everyone knew that. Everyone except for Jackie, it seemed. Most days she existed in a place oblivious to this truth, completely unreachable.

He would smile at her, expecting her to return the gesture, but she never did. Instead her eyes would gleam with a knowing, a suspicion of what might be based on what was.

It wasn’t her circumspect approach that concerned him, but the fact that fear seemed to be controlling her was beyond unnerving. It had been two years. But that just proved that even the most well worn sayings could be popular lies.

He remained hopeful for her sake.

“Maybe this is the time,” he would say, wanting to uplift her spirits. “Maybe this month we’ll have good news.”

She would all but sneer at him behind a placid veneer of stifled anger. Pink would turn to red and that month’s dreams would be dashed like pottery at a Greek festival, only to be trampled underfoot in their haste to escape reality and each other.

Frustration, sadness, betrayal…it all mingled together, impossible to untangle.

“Hayden…” Her voice sounded so fragile and child-like. “What if we never have children?”

He hugged her, not really knowing what else to do, saddened by his own lack of assistance.

“We will,” he promised, doubting his words. “Don’t worry, Jackie…it’s just a matter of time.”

Once more, he held her as she cried, wondering when he had started to espouse the attractive lies he no longer believed.

 

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