return (verb)
-to go or come back, as to a former place, position, or state
So… what do you call that place where you could write something, but you really don’t feel like it?
As in, there actually are things that come to mind—phrases, plots, quirky characters—it’s all right there, right there in your head, but there’s very little desire to put fingers to keys, pen to paper or even type notes into your phone.
I know it’s not a lack of ideas. I see one guy with a leather briefcase and he becomes a double agent in my mind. So I know it’s not a lack of creativity that’s got me in this place. But I can’t say exactly what this place really is.
And yes, I have been busy—I moved back to the East Coast, went back to school full time, started working part time and freelancing, and completely changed my schedule in order to change my profession and pursue a long-held dream—but there’s more to it than that.
Maybe this place is called laziness?
Maybe apathy?
Maybe it’s just the aftermath of disappointment that I’ve mistaken as defeat?
Either way, I need to get out of this lease and move on.
Yes, I’ve been disappointed in the past, taking professional rejection personally, viewing them as the ultimate and final word regarding my writing abilities, story ideas, and my future possibilities as an author. And even if rejection is something I have to fight, it’s not the only thing I need to pay attention to and according to someone who used to work as a literary magazine editor, it’s nothing personal and I shouldn’t allow it to kill my dreams and love for writing.
Hmm… that’s what it is… I don’t feel like I love writing anymore. That’s sad… I’ve fallen out of love with the process of writing and I’m just now realizing that’s what I’ve allowed those rejections to do, which makes me feel even more sad. (sigh)
Well, it’s 2019 and even though I’ve just now realized the toll the rejections have taken on my drive, at the beginning of the year I toyed around with the idea of wiping the dust off of this project and making the decision just keeping going at it. To just keep building until I enjoy this thing I was made to do.
Today, I’m transforming that idea into a decision to pick things back up and not let my skills wither, with the hopes that I can return to the process and rekindle my love for the craft.
I guess it’s like a marriage, right? There might be some tough moments, but because you’re committed to the other person you keep working at the process? And now that’s what I need to do.
So this will have to serve as my official notice (to myself) to return to my blog regularly and exercise my writing muscle until I fall in love with writing again. I’ll probably give myself little, measurable goals and projects related to the blog to keep me motivated. On a practical note, I’m thinking I may need a little incentive to continue the forward movement associated with my blog. I’m wondering if I can motivate myself with the promise of a new wardrobe…?
And if I’m taking on blog-associated projects then my new plan is to write three times a week, giving myself an hour or less to do so. No editing. No pressure. No fussing over the prose. I’m just going to grab the word of the day, let my fingers work as my mind whirls so I can get it out and keeping moving forward. That’s my plan for this year of unknowns ahead of us.
And I’ll take any tips you have on staying motivated and engaged and refusing to let the rejections get to you.
Fiction on the Fly 